Open Windows (2014)

Elijah Wood sure has slipped comfortably into B-movies after his stint at the Shire, hasn’t he? When I first stumbled upon Open Windows, I was expecting something along the lines of Wood’s bomb-in-a-piano thriller Grand Piano. There are similarities: both films are quintessential B-thrillers, escalating a catchy premise into something tense (and a little silly).…

Paz de la Huerta in Nurse 3-D (2013)

Nurse 3-D (2013)

There’s no reason Nurse 3-D couldn’t have worked. A bloody mixture of sex-negative horror, nurse sexploitation and American Psycho sounds like it should be an interesting mess. Instead Nurse 3-D is just bloody terrible, a Frankenstein’s monster lurching awkwardly through the detritus of better B-movies, assembling the occasional “so-bad-it’s-good” moment within its remarkably tedious eighty-four…

Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

You know what you’re getting into when you watch a film with a title like Cheerleader Massacre. Bad acting is par for the course: the actors might look like the Days of Our Lives type, but their thespian ability falls short of even that mark. There’s no reason to be surprised by home-video quality cinematography…

Attack of the 50 Ft Cheerleader (2012)

The modern trends of B-movie production are on full display in the “they-thought-of-the-title-and-went-from-there” flick Attack of the 50 Ft Cheerleader. It features a handful of D-list celebrities like Sean Young, Treat Williams and Ted Raimi in “starring roles” that were obviously filmed in a day; each is occasionally entertaining but primarily depressing. There’s the now-necessary…

Piranha (1978)

Piranha, an undisguised Jaws ripoff from the late ‘70s, is no match for the Spielberg’s blockbuster phenomenon (which makes a cameo appearance as a video game). This Roger Corman creature feature, helmed by Joe Dante (of Gremlins fame) is nonetheless a surprisingly good B-movie. It contains all the B-movie trappings: skinny dipping teenagers, unconvincing special…

Piranha 3DD (2012)

Piranha 3DD is a grotesque Frankenstein’s monster of a film, B-movie components clumsily sutured together without imagination. These extremities are sporadically entertaining, but while Ving Rhames blasting piranhas with a shotgun in slow motion might have its appeal, this slim charm is amputated by the film’s troglodytic smirk, its sneering need to ridicule the very…