Piranha 3DD is a grotesque Frankenstein’s monster of a film, B-movie components clumsily sutured together without imagination. These extremities are sporadically entertaining, but while Ving Rhames blasting piranhas with a shotgun in slow motion might have its appeal, this slim charm is amputated by the film’s troglodytic smirk, its sneering need to ridicule the very idea of enjoying a trashy movie non-ironically. This is a B-movie made by people who seem to hate B-movies. That slow motion doesn’t disguise the way the film tries (and fails) to extend a ten minute storyline to feature length, or how Rhames conveniently doesn’t interact with a single other billed cast member.
This is the sort of film that rolls a modest-sized wheelbarrow of money up to fading stars’ doorsteps to get them to make brief appearances before spitting in their faces (or worse – this is perhaps the first film to render projectile vomit in three dimensions). Even the obligatory nudity is tacked on, outtakes from a Playboy video shoot where the “actresses” have huge breasts but nary a line of dialogue. Piranha 3DD groans and shambles its way through a protracted eighty-something minutes, its putrescent features unable to stretch to a convincing smile.