My Bloody Valentine (2009)

What, exactly, is there to recommend My Bloody Valentine?

My Bloody Valentine 3DPerhaps it would’ve been worthwhile seeing it in actual 3D, in the cinema. The film has certainly made plentiful concessions to the gimmick – eyeballs popping out of people’s skulls and so forth – which might have been exciting back in the ‘80s. To achieve this three-dimensional rigmarole it uses lighting straight out of a daytime soap-opera; the mineshafts where the film spends half its time are clean enough to suggest Derek Zoolander’s been through.

The plot is pretty bland, but this is hardly a surprise for a middling slasher film. The “twist” (regarding to the killer’s identity) is only interesting because of how blatantly it’s foreshadowed: (spoilers) Jensen Eckles’ bland protagonist who spends the film’s length acting as creepy as possible is actually the killer, not a red herring as you’d expect! Really, there’s nothing here to praise.

Watch the Blu-ray’s special features, though, and the enthusiasm of the visual effects technicians as they attempt to simulate the film’s kills reveals what’s missing. If only the director had possessed the same passion putting this together as these guys did creating fake heads and whatnot, there might have been something here worth recommending.

Rating: 23/200

10 thoughts on “My Bloody Valentine (2009)

    • Haha thanks 😛

      And yeah, I’m not a fan of 3D films, especially one that use them as a clumsy gimmick. Basically, if it’s used well you shouldn’t notice it…and then what’s the point?

    • It was just too …clean for my tastes! It wasn’t terrible, it just felt really generic, and I think the twist necessitated a pretty boring villain. There were some good moments, though.

      Did you see it in the cinema or on the small screen? I can imagine seeing this with a proper horror audience in 3D might improve the experience quite a bit!

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