Merchandising — it’s a time honored way to make even more money off of the popularity of past and present pop culture heroes. Sometimes, though, the merchandise just doesn’t seem to make any sense. Here are a few of the stranger pieces we’ve recently come across.
Kiss Kaskets – We have a sneaking suspicion that rock band Kiss now employs defunct video games publisher Acclaim’s old merchandising team. How else would you explain the similarities behind the former’s Kiss Kaskets and the latter’s early 90s plans to buy ad space on gravestones for the release of Shadowman: 2econd Coming? If that’s just convergent thinking then we weep for the world.
Slayer Christmas Sweater – Because nothing says “Happy Holidays” quite like Slayer.
Tie Fighter / Darth Vader Watch – There’s way too many pieces of weird Star Wars merchandise that picking just one would be like shooting missiles into the Death Star’s exhaust vent — easy enough when you’re a hotshot space wizard. We’re not space wizards, unfortunately, hotshot or otherwise, so we’re just going to settle on the insanely expensive ($28,000!) and actually kind of ugly Tie Fighter / Darth Vader watch from Devonworks.
Judge Judy Slot Machine – Now, we can understand Gala Casino creating a mobile slots game based on the Incredible Hulk. It’s a recognizable property, plus it’s not really any worse than, say, a Guns n’ Roses-themed slot machine in terms of licensing. A slot machine based on Judge Judy of all people, though — that’s another matter entirely.
Judge Judy has built a reputation as a hard-nosed, no-nonsense judge on daytime TV, which apparently makes her a perfect candidate for slot machine glory. Perhaps best of all, there’s a bonus round where players get to hear a case and see if their decision matches Judge Judy’s. Just like everything else on this short list, this is a totally real thing. Have a long, hard think about that.